Troubled Marriage and Revive Your Relationship: You’re eager to save your failing marriage, so let’s make a few assumptions. You and your spouse still love each other, you want to be able to trust each other, and would prefer not to get divorced. There was a time when you were both very much in love, but now the romance seems to have gone out of the relationship. Perhaps you both tend to feel a little isolated. Resentments are beginning to surface, and you’re wondering what happened to your beautiful relationship. If you both commit to it, it’s possible that you can save it. Here’s what you need to know.
1. Be Willing to Embark on Relationship Counselling
When you’re in the thick of things, dealing with the pressures of daily life, it can be difficult to see your relationship from any perspective but your own. Relationship counselling, either online or in-office should work to help you to reconcile your points of view, or at least gain a better understanding of where they differ and what you should do to overcome your differences. While one or both of you may feel a little uncomfortable about unpacking your marital difficulties in front of a counsellor, you need to be committed to the process and willing to be absolutely honest in your responses to your therapist’s questions.
2. Remember Why You Fell in Love
A love story lies behind your marriage. Remembering how it began and why you decided that you had finally met The One. Yes, reality isn’t perfect and it doesn’t always live up to our expectations, but once upon a time, you were so sure that you’d met the right life partner, that you took the huge step of uniting your destinies. That’s special. And although your marriage is currently in crisis, you’re still married to the same person you fell in love with.
3. Keep Communication Open
When you’re feeling angry or resentful, the way you express your feelings can cause your partner to put up barriers. For example, you may resent your spouse’s workaholic habits and accuse him or her of neglecting you. Because it’s a critical approach, your spouse may become resentful and before you know it, you’re in an argument that leaves you both feeling worse than ever. Saying “I miss spending time with you,” is altogether less confrontational and could lead to a productive discussion. Talk and listen. Choose your words carefully. Use the opportunity to try understanding your spouse’s needs.
4. Spend Time Doing Things You Both Enjoy
Having a great time together may not feel like serious marriage therapy – but it is! Break routines that leave you both running on auto. Get out there and do some living! Talk, laugh, and share the moment. Did you know that couples who have regular date nights have a better chance of staying together? Make time to reconnect! It’s your opportunity to fall in love again.
5. Make a Point of Showing Appreciation and Respect
It can be difficult to show appreciation towards someone you’ve come to resent. Spend time reflecting on your spouse’s good points. Nobody is perfect, but nobody is all bad either. Simple gestures like a hug and a kind word can go a long way towards opening your partner towards rekindling your relationship. Remember: it’s impossible to have lasting love when you don’t have mutual respect. Take the lead. Your spouse is very likely to respond in kind.
6. Be Willing to Accept Your Share of Responsibility
Just as your spouse isn’t perfect, neither are you. There are reasons why your marriage is foundering and you have your share of responsibility in this. No matter how innocent you might feel, the reality is that there are things you might need to change too. Don’t go into denial when your partner or therapist points out that you have some work to do yourself. Successful marriages require work from both partners, so be ready to make an effort.
7. Show Affection and Rekindle Intimacy
Affection and intimacy are vital to a good marriage. If you’re having difficulty with being intimate with your partner for physical or psychological reasons, talk to a doctor or your therapist. If your partner tends to shy away from physical contact, try to be understanding and affectionate rather than hurt and resentful. Rekindling your romance may take a little time.
If You’re Both Willing to Work On It, You Can Win!
Marriage is all about commitment, and saving a troubled marriage takes commitment too. If you both want to rebuild your relationship, there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t succeed in doing so. Few marriages are without their times of crisis, so this will be the ultimate test. Rise to the challenge. Work as a team. Together, you can succeed!